Yes, when I read some of your comments, it's like deja vu. I hope this isn't too much information or rambles. I could write a novel.

We were together for 21 months. She told people I was "the one" after about 3 months tops. She wasn't quite as forceful as your ex was as I never exactly got the direct "ultimatum" that you did.. as in propose by a certain date... or else. She wasn't that brave. But I was constantly "reminded" very strongly that she wasn't happy just being my boyfriend for very long. Eventually, it was like a dark cloud over everything we did. She just couldn't relax, trust in me and enjoy "us".

We broke up on our 6 month anniversary when I confronted her about her controlling behavior. I could tell at that time she saw 6 months as "enough time" and was expecting some commitment. Well, living together was a no go, so that leaves only one thing. We ended up getting back together and agreed to "work on things". I later realized she never thought she had anything to work on. It was all my fault. I felt we weren't communicating very well and her response was "I told you quite clearly what I wanted". Anyway, I was planning on moving and agreed that Fall to look for a house with her "for us" as a way of showing my commitment to her in lieu of a ring. I also was using this as a way of testing her level of commitment and trust in me. What is good for the goose.... She agreed to go on a tight budget and save some money. Great. Well, it never really happened. Empty promise. She also went and bought a new car at this time with a hefty loan payment (she had no/bad credit) against my advice. I thought a practical car would suffice. She even refused to tell me the amount of the payments because "we weren't married yet". This was a light bulb moment for me. If she couldn't be open and financially responsible for us, how could I trust her to be the partner I needed in a future wife? As it turned out, the financing fell through and I chose not to seek out other options. I guess you could say I dodged a bullet. This took us to Christmas of 2009 (10 mos). My misgivings about her remained. The house was no longer in the picture and she was really expecting a proposal. What made it worse was that my nephew chose to propose to his girlfriend at that time. You can imagine my ex's reaction to that. She was miserable and wanted me to be miserable too. As I recounted earlier, my new years that year was cold to say the least as she pulled out all the stops to punish me for her disastrous x-mas and my refusal to commit. We never even had sex that weekend... shiver. Poor girl, almost 1 year and no ring on her finger. Imagine that!!

We also nearly broke up on a couple of other occasions. I rode that "merry-go-round" too, lol. But she would always guilt trip me into staying. When I tried to discuss my issues with her, she would get very defensive and deflect the blame onto me. Very frustrating as you said. She was very good at overreacting and bullying people to get what she wanted. That was the only way she knew how to respond to people who stood up to her or even dared to disagree with her. She was estranged with her one sister since their teen years and was constantly in conflict with someone in her life. It was as if she thrived off it. Most people would relent rather than deal with her. Those who didn't were discarded. But she ran into one tough customer in me. Because I wasn't: 1. going to give up on her easily and 2. just roll over and appease her bad behavior and treatment of me. My nature is to give people the benefit of the doubt and 2nd and even 3rd chances. I am a "nice guy". Maybe too nice for my own good. But I wasn't going to give her even one chance at marriage if I wasn't completely certain she was the kind of person I could make that lifelong commitment to. She always told me that if I truly loved her, that it shouldn't be that hard. Her dad supposedly knew her mom was the one after a week. Her brother in law and sister were another example of hers. She knew I was the one for her and that is all that mattered. I just couldn't get her to understand what I needed to see in her. I realize she was under the gun to start a family at her age and her family was a source of real or imagined pressure. But there was no excuse for the way she acted and treated me. Of course, she believes wholeheartedly that I screwed her over and wasted her time. At least that is what she'd tell anyone willing to listen. But I know deep down inside, she knows her behavior is creating the heartache and chaos she has experienced in her relationships. It is like alcoholism in that respect. Only worse. An alcoholic can see what the enemy is... alcohol. But people like my ex cannot see or admit that their worst enemy is themselves. I feel sorry for her and wish I could have brought out the great person I know she deserves to be. She could be so sweet. Or was it just manipulation? Maybe she has already met some poor schlub who is willing to put up with her and give her what she wants.

The saddest part with women like this is that there is no closure. They simply aren't capable of giving that. You can never get them to understand where you are coming from. There simply is no other recourse but to leave them. You loved them and wanted so much more. That is why it is so difficult to get over them.