I agree.. and even if I'm feeling okay around someone, I'll do a ton of rejecting, or pulling away or whatever. I'm not rude, and I don't know how it comes off as (maybe shy or just not interested) but it's just.. I don't know. I can have my hand held and be hugged and any physical contact my mind will go haywire and I'll think "stop, stop, stop, stop".. Then when it stops I feel alone and cold and by myself again.. though comfortable.

I hate the confusion that comes in the before term of relationships. That awkward moment where you're unsure if he likes you, or if he's just like that with everyone. The line separating friends and more is so blurry and distorted that I hoped I'd never have to deal with it. But I am. At what point does physical contact, or compliments cross the line with two people who are in relationships? How can you tell if someone is being serious or making hints, or just being a goof ball. And when is enough enough? I hate thinking about this.. I wish these types of feelings weren't applicable to me.. I really wish I could just talk to someone and feel nothing.. feel nothing and be happy about that.