Like I said, my session was fabulous! I was a bit nervous, though. I have made contact with someone from my past that has really hurt me. She agreed to send an email to my therapist to give her perspective on what happened to hurt our relationship. I wasn't expecting her to send it so soon, but she did.

So, my therapist had it when I came in today. She read parts of it to me. It was okay. I didn't get emotional or anything. Actually, it has been very healing to go back and talk to this person via facebook. I may have already posted this in another thread. If I did, sorry to duplicate!

My husband did not want me to do this, but I told him that I needed closure. It has been good for me so far. My therapist warns me against rekindling this relationship. I know that I need to cut this off with my friend. I have closure now. Why would I want to put myself in a position to get hurt again?

Isn't it said that we often keep going back to our abusers? Why is that? For me, maybe it is because I know the good times we had. I remember how we talked for hours on end. I remember how we laughed until we could barely breathe! I remember the times we cried together. We did have some great times.

Anyway, I got through that part of therapy and then I started talking about random stuff that has been going on in my life. I laughed until my head was killing me!! It was such a relief to be able to laugh in my session, and not be so distraught, down, and depressed.

Why was I laughing? Was it to mask the hurt that I had in this previous relationship? Was I really in a lot of pain and turmoil bringing this all back up? Was I using laughter to hide that pain?

Or was I laughing because I felt such freedom from that pain? Was I laughing with joy? Maybe I will email my therapist and get her take on this. Even though she got really tickled at me and had a hard time staying 'professional', I am sure that she was evaluating me and watching me the whole time. She probably had some good notes to write this time!

No matter the reason for my laughter, I needed this! If you have been following "Squiggle's Ups and Downs in Therapy" threads, you know that I have been through a lot of hard times the past few months. Sessions where I sat there like a mute!! The rupture. Lots of tears and emotions.

I wish that I could stay in this playground of laughter, but I know that there will be many more sessions when I will be experiencing strong emotions and tears. I am going to swing, slide, and play on the monkey bars as long as I can!