In between my bouts of hysterical laughter (session yesterday), I asked my therapist if she thought I was almost through with therapy. She looked at me and said, "Now that is funny!" Then we both broke out laughing.

I still asked her again, "I have come a very long way since I started. What more do you want me to do?" She had a look of not being sure if I was being sarcastic or serious. Her reply was, "You have not been able to address X,Y, and Z. These are things that affect you whether you see it or not. You are in denial that you need to face them. You can end therapy today, but I am not going to be the one to discharge you. I do not feel that you are ready."

I just looked at her and thought about it. Then I said, "If you are talking about me forgiving myself, accepting myself, and being true and authentic to myself, I will be here forever!" Then I burst out laughing again.

She said, "Why do you find that funny? You are once again denying yourself the help you need. You are still struggling with accepting that you deserve to be in therapy and you are worthy of help. You don't like receiving help. You are a rescuer and a caretaker. This is just your nature. You don't know how to be on the other end of that. I am here to guide you and help. If your life was working for you, you would never have come to see me. I have to be honest with you. You are not ready to leave."

I guess my session of hysterical laughter did not get me a ticket out. I did wonder if she was thinking since I appeared to be so happy, she may think that Squiggle was good to go now. NOT!

I never know how I will act in a session. Next week I may be sobbing in the corner, pacing the floor, angry as heck, happy as a lark, etc....I don't plan my emotions. They just happen!