Today, marks the first annivesary of when I felt that I could not go on anymore and felt the only way out was to end the pain.

I almost did not survive. I spent a couple of days in the ER of a psychiatric hospital and about about 3 weeks after that surrounded by the safety of being allowed to be miserable. I also underwent ECT treatment during this time.

I came out of hospital more depressed than ever, left my job and career, lost my income and almost lost my family - and I started the slow incline to where I am today.

It has been a tough year but one of personal growth and determination. I still have many many issues that I deal with daily, or that I sweep under the carpet to deal with tomorrow, but I am stronger and happier than I can ever remember being. After seeing me **pour crimson regret and betrayal**, it feels to me that my husband has come to love me more, and I think he has forgiven the hurt I caused him.

I have forgiven myself. If I had not done this I wouldn't (or perhaps couldn't) have grown to where I am today.

I guess I realized that I needed a helping hand. And I found two .......... at the end of each of my arms.

I am very happy that I am here today.


** borrowed from a song called My Tourniquet by Evanescence