Hey Rainbow8 ***huge hugs***

I could be wrong but is it the pain of the feelings you have for your therapist, the closeness you fully want but can't have, that is becoming so overwhelming and hard to accept that it is leading therapy to become so difficult each week?
Perhaps each week you go to your session hoping that she will fulfill our needs and then when you realise she won't, everything else feels hopeless at times?

I could be completely wrong here, I am kind of going by having followed your posts a lot and having that need myself I can understand its a painful place to be.