Sunrise, I'm basing it on what my T tells me about my Self being able to lead the parts, which is the basis of the IFS model. I don't know if that's different from the Self you're talking about. I understand your diamond analogy; what I don't understand is the concept of Self that my T always talks about. How "she" is acting like my Self now, and has been, and how yoga and meditation are building up my Self. So what is the Self anyway?

Dizgirl: I think you're right. The pain is what happens with T after T for me. I want them to be what they can't, and I know they can't, but I keep going after it anyway! My brain knows that I can't be that close to my Ts, but my heart keeps getting broken each time! My current T was and is, being so "nice" to me that I believed in my fantasy more. Yet she hasn't changed. She's caring and compassionate within boundaries, but I overreact to it. I did that with all my Ts. It's not a bad thing, but I don't seem to be able to let it go. I realize I have to, though, so I feel like I'm losing my T. The reality is that I'm not losing HER, just the dream of how I want her. I know it's transference but that doesn't make it any easier.