Hey guys,

A little back history for those who haven't been following my threads, or just for a little reminder:

As most of you know, lately has been a rocky patch with my T. I have had the topic of "ending" (therapy) hanging over me for months and it's all my T and I have been doing. It really got to me lately and I told T I couldn't come back if that is all therapy was going to consist of. I took a two week break and returned to talk to her. In that session I told her clearly that for me life was difficult and if 50 minutes of Therapy per week helped me to keep going then I was going to find someone who could provide that for me because my relationship with her was getting damaged, as was my mental state by the continuous negative ending talk. The massive shock came in that session when my T said she really was taking on board what I said and needed to think about things and think about if she could possibly open herself up to longer term work. (that was a major shock).
I waited a week patiently to the following session to hear what her thoughts were. I was pretty confident she would decide against it. However due to a small emergancy on her side of things my session was cancelled, so I had to wait until yesterday to find out what the situation would be between us. I actually bought a goodbye gift and had it with me in the trunk/boot of my car so that if by any chance we were going to end, that I would be prepared.

Yesterday felt like one of the black clouds between us lifted. Things seemed lighter. I was actually able to go in and talk about an incident that happened the day before which ad bothered me. I then asked her what her thoughts were on everything that was said the previous week.
She told me that a lot of what I said was true and right!!! I will not go into a long winded story about it but basically she is removing "the ending" from the table for now. I did question the "for now" bit but she said that we could review our situation in about 8 months time, which will be the 2 year mark of our therapy. She said she wouldn't want me to still be in Therapy in 5 years time either but she is only saying this as she would like me to be doing better in life without needing therapy. She said a lot of things that shocked me and which showed she had really thought about my feelings and about me and that she understood a lot of what is going on inside for me. It felt like the first proper session I have had in a long time. She gave me a lot of praise too.

There is still things to iron out and I told her it would take me a while to feel secure in that space of therapy with her again, things just won't go back to how they were. I also worry that perhaps at our next session she won't be just as warm and understanding but I guess time will tell.

I just wanted to thank everyone for their support with the whole rupture and everything that came after and for all the hugs etc, I wanted to let you all know what happened You are all amazing, I would have been in a really bad state without your support and it is soooo appreciated!