Have you thought about getting therapy? You are not scum but a worthwhile person. You are going through a rough time and people often turn to alcohol, drugs, eating too much, gambling, lots of sex and the list goes on. I think you may benefit from some counseling for addictions. Many people have gotten it and recovered a lot. It's natural to hurt after losing someone you loved. It's a grief process. If you just continue doing lots of drugs and lots of sex you may do yourself more harm than good. You are hurting and also hurting yourself more with the drugs, etc. If I were you I would as quickly as possible seek therapy because the sooner you do it the sooner you are going to find support, help for your problems, a better love life, and better self-worth feelings. I know because I went through that type of therapy and have never regretted it. You're worth taking good care of even if I sound a little corny here. I don't mean to, just trying to help. You can find help in your phone book, too, usually under psychologists, or counseling or social services. I hope things will improve for you but you need to take the first step first-to get help.

"Things work out best for the people
Who make the best out of the way things work out."
--- Author Unknown ---