<font color="purple"> I am so stressed to the max. Actually the whole system is. This nightmare with the roommate is about to drive us over the edge. T is worried about us. We are going in to see her tomorrow afternoon. I cannot wait.

Tonight I was in chat and roommate came home and was throwing a temper fit. I thought that she was alone, but she had her abusive b/f with her. He h*t her in the face. She was so irrational. I contacted the police because she threw scissors at me. No contact though which was a good thing. The police were right there because they heard the roommate and b/f yelling and screaming at each other and the roommate being totally irrational and screaming that she was going to commit s*icid*. So they showed up pretty quickly. The b/f got put in jail again now for the second time. He is still on stuff that he has to do. Probabtion I think but not sure. Has classes and what not to do. They took roommate to the hospital because of her threats as well as they wanted to see if her cheek bone was broke due to the fighting. The police told me that they wasn't sure if she would be kept more than a couple of hours because they wasn't sure if she was truly meaning her threats or if it was due to what was going on. She has called several times for the first two hours that she was gone. Using her cell phone. Just doesn't make any since. I answered one time and that was it. I didn't answer no more. Well she is now home and still activing very irrational. What makes me so upset is the police told me that I needed to get her help. 1st off I ain't her mother, 2nd off I ain't her babysitter, 3rd off she is over 18 and needs to take care of her own life instead of expecting everyone else to take care of her. I have to take care of me and all my parts, so she needs to take care of herself. Might not be what she wants to do, but it is something that she has to do. I'm tired of being her stepping stone and her attacking me verbially the way that she is. The police told me if I felt unsafe that I was the one that needed to find a place to stay. Well I don't have any friends that I could stay with, I'm stuck in this lease until the end of July, and have very limited amount of income. I am stressed to the max.

Tomorrow I see T, Tuesday I have dr appt which I am terrified to go to. Find out test results plus get more testing done. Wednesday see T. Thursday go to support group.

I have to contact the agency that I am part of because the groups that they have me in doesn't work with my schedule. I have to see if there is another group that I could go to on Friday since I cannot attend the Thursday group. It messes with my DID group which is more important to me and my parts. The Tuesday group I will be able to start after March 7th when I see pdoc.

The end of March I will be apart of a second set of a memory study with DID. Amnesia/Memory study with ppl with DID. I already completed the first part of the study which was pretty intense. I am still dealing with it and processing it through the whole thing.

We are so alone and don't know what to do right now. All we can do is continue doing the best that we can. Our T is very worried about us as well as a few friends. I don't want them to worry about us. We feel bad because they worry. It's the last thing we wanted to happen. Sometimes we feel if we hide enough and not talk to anyone, then everyone would forget about us. Just because we feel we don't matter enough for anyone to care or love us.

We are struggling with memories as well as other issues. Stuff that we haven't even been able to discuss with our T. An alter of mine says that I should find a support group to deal with a specific thing that I am dealing with and try to work it out there because at least with it being online, it is safer and we don't have to let our secrets be known as who we are until we are more comfortable to discuss the matter with our T. Just not even sure if we are ready to go that route. I and another alter had started talking to an online friend about it. Actually I started talking about it and the other alter decided to finish it. Our friend didn't judge us and still accepts us as a friend. She is so supportive. Just wished that we had ppl closer to us that could be supportive and be here with us from time to time. Just to have a real hug. I think that I have rambled enuf in this post. Want to be able to post in a few other post so that my post will no longer be limited. </font>