You feel smashed up tight -- the bigger picture is eluding you -- and here we are all responding with just words, words which in a million years could not grasp the complexities of the situation you are dealing with. But a few things do stand out as pretty likely to be true, a few things that may be contradictory, but that we can at least put into some words that reflect the probable truth of the situation. And all of the things, the good and the bad, can be simultaneously true.

- T's behavior is inconsistent sometimes. Her boundaries are not always clear to you, and they may not be clear to her, either. The lack of clarity in boundaries triggers you and makes you feel out of control. Not knowing when you might cross a boundary with her (and then get "boot camp T") makes you feel unsafe in your therapy.

- T seems to really care about you. She has stuck with you in hard times, she genuinely "gets it" when you are struggling, and she seems to really want to be the kind of T you need her to be, though you keep butting heads about what that means.

- T has never been good with the phone thing. That is, and always has been, one of her big weaknesses.

- T reveals her anger and frustration to you at times when it may not be so helpful to you. Her displays of emotion trigger you, and so your therapy has turned into a way of processing her emotions in addition to yours.

- T is really good at skills training. She has taught you a lot of very useful things to do when your emotions feel too big to handle. You will probably use those skills intermittently for the rest of your life.

I don't know the whole situation, nor could I ever. I trust that when you can find stillness, connect with little zoo, and find the open sort of frame of mind where you can take a step back and look at the big picture, you will know the right step to take. It won't be frantic, it won't be angry, it'll just be right.