It's zero dark 30 and I'm just sitting at my computer, aimlessly wondering the net. I should be in bed. There are things I need to get done, homework to finish, laundry to do, dishing to wash, rooms to clean, and other tasks but I sit.

I actually sent an e-mail to an ex-boyfriend's sister moments ago and I'm not really sure why. The ex-boyfriend passed away in '03 due to cancer and I think of him often. Heck, that's all I ever do; think.

So much runs through my mind and I just want it to stop. Why do I overanaylize everything. Is it normal to ponder everyone's actions, comments, looks, and gestures and wonder if they are disapproving of me. Silly, I'm probably the last thing on anyone's mind.

I guess I'm feeling a little less that zero. All I want is to feel connected and I just don't think it's ever going to happen. I've been taking Prozac for 30 days now and I actually feel I'm worse.

I'm more tired and look it. Sometimes I go a day or two without a shower (ick), I'm becoming a hermit! I've lost 5 lbs (someone mentioned weight loss on another thread- but I don't think it's enough to be alarmed). I know I need to call the T but I did a no call no show on our last appointment and I can't bring myself to phone.

I was seeing her every week and it's now the third week, I'm suprised she hasn't tried to reach me.

Does anyone just ever feel trapped in their mind- even after typing this, I just don't feel like I actaully relayed why I even needed to post something. Sometimes I wish someone would just get it out of me- does that even make sense. I don't know who I am anymore.......

Ok... I'm going to try the bed thing again....