Ok so i was in a bad place when i wrote this ... and i have talked here before about some emotions .. which all seem to be bad , i guess more than anything i think i could have said that... emotions that i have overwhelm me , because sometimes i have too many at once , and also because im scared to get in touch with myself ... like i need to keep to keep mind and body separate.. i cant allow the body to have emotion, because it may take over , ppl may not like me , i may hurt someones feelings, and with that i would be abandoned, and also i dont know what is expected of me in an emotional storm... like recently i was in T , told T that something was scary , then it became necessary for me to say "no I am scared"... and i immediately lost my control, i started violently shaking seeing this door with like a dark fog around it and i knew it was some sort of damn memory... T may have said something , but if she did i didnt hear her... i just felt like she was probably sitting there staring at me , and deciding my flipping fate ( like omg shes a goner lets call the police and commit her) finally after what felt like forever i said llora i am really trying to get myself together , then maybe 5 min later i said the same thing , then jumped up out of the chair and hit the door...hell i dont even know where i was taking that