First sorry so long I find that I feel like I have to write a book to explain myself.

confusedinomicon,

From your profile I can't tell which bipolar you deal with. From learning from others usually the BPII are more depressed and hardly ever go the side of my end BPI/schizoaffective and they are usually to depressed to go out and do all the things that I have done in my past. If I am wrong forgive me just that is what my husband and I have seen lately from others.

anika,

I also know what you mean about sharing what you have experienced, not that I know what it has done to you. I have found it sort of therapuetic to share my past. I just want to be honest as to what I experienced hopefully to help others who may be feeling so ashamed, guilt, alone, and not being able to actually get the true help they need from to many embarrasing moments that they have encountered. It really has helped between my husband and myself. Don't get me wrong I still feel so hurt from hurting him in this way. I am just so fortunate that even though my husband nor I knew what has really been going on over the past 20 yrs till just the past 2yrs he is so understanding and deep down knew soemthing was truley wrong with me. Even today I broke down crying in a resturant cause I just can't believe that I too thought that many of my behaviours were not wrong but now that I am in some sort of normal state, at least for me, I can see more clearly that they were. I was so out of it in mania and at the end psychosis that I don't really remember everything I did. I know I did bad things but they were truley out of my control. It felt like different people were taking over my body and mind. We are now learning and going to fight back this BP monster. I to now know not to go to sorting place or be with sorting friends to get into trouble like before. I just thank God that I can now move forward and with caution like learning steps to take when I get to manic and want to go out. I was on meds while my bad behaviour took place but it was so bad that I did not even know what BP really was, it was just a mood of up and down not everything else that comes with it. I am mad that the psych that I first saw, which I only know cause I found a letter in my room, that he did not know that I did not fully understand that I was really in bad shape. He could of tried to tell me to talk or have my husband come in with me to appointments. SOMETHING. I wonder how many others go and have been told that they have a MI, take their meds but don't grasp what their actual MI is doing to them. If you ever feel like sharing you can send me a PM or email. I am not here to judge you cause I know what this MI has done to me and my family. Take care.

greylove,
You have always and still have been here for me. I was not sure if I was doing the right thing of sharing my infidelity but I felt that I could help others maybe understand that they may not be alone on this and getting help is the best thing. My husband is the one that really helps me be honest and open here. He just wants to help others as well. It helps me to that he is there for me and also knows and has been educated to know that I was not in control while in psychosis, or major mania, which has been for most of my life. Hope to hear from you soon and love your pics.

colethorton,
I am truly sorry for what you have gone through with your wife. I know that I don't walk in her shoes like greylove says but like I said I used to do inappropiate things and I have said what your wife says. Even though right now I am in much normal state then mania I find myself acting out at times just comes from no where with out any control. Still bothers me about my past I don't think I can ever let it go but my husband always told me the past is the past look towards our future and that is exactly what we are going to do. You must be like my husband one of a kind. I also deal with OCD, I start to clean the whole house and rearranage everything from night till next day nonstop. It drives my family crazy cause I find new and better ways of doing things. Will to my view I do. I can't remember if the Celexa or the Cymbalta was the one giving to me for that. I get back to you on that. Wishing you and your family to be strong and be able to move forward to what ever decision you make.