My dear Hiding, my heart goes out to you. The only thing I can think to say is "one day at a time", try not to think too far ahead and stay in the present. You can only deal with what's happening right now anyway. I agree with loveneverfails that the fact they are doing surgery before chemo and radiation is a positive sign. My cousin had a double mastectomy over 2 years ago and is healthy and cancer free now. If you're not already familiar with the Serenity Prayer, I suggest you print it off and re-read when necessary. I can guarantee you are much stronger than you think. When the time comes to be strong, something takes over and gets you through. I have experienced this many times in my life and I'm a senior now. Count on me (like the others who have answered your post) to offer my support thru a PM at any time over the coming months. Hon, there's no place to run, no place to hide, the only way out is through it.