I have been working on my lack of close friendships. I just got a few more clues as to what might be going on with this.

I just realized that I have a close relationship with my husband and children AND I can handle socializing out with others in any situation. These are 2 extremes but I'm clueless about the middle stuff here - close friendships.

I have been working on the negative feelings that I have just become aware of which surface when I am interacting with others outside of my family. (I guess I was repressing these previously). I'm just letting them come to my awareness and taking note of them.

I'm wondering if I am having these negative feelings because I have found comfort in the environment and my routines and others and close friends interfere with this?

In my family, being the mom, I can direct my environment and my husband and children are responsive to this because this has been a mom's area in organizing the family and the household (perfect huh!).

I can handle socializing because it is time limited. You just learn the social skills and it can be handled. You go out for up to a half day with others and then you can come back to your life.

Close friendships cannot be handled this way, though. I'm having a hard time developing close friendships because I have these routines that I don't want to be interfered with?

These "routines" are what make me feel safe?

For instance, when my kids have the neighbor kids over, if the kid is well behaved it is good. If the kid lacks boundaries it is not good for me. When a child feels they can come over and open our refrigerator and just take things out or destroy our personal property it sets me on edge. (And we do tell the child what our house rules are - "you can't go into our refrigerator", "you cannot do these things in our home".)

I guess it comes down to me feeling comfortable without control? I guess my negative feelings about others is coming from my fear and my fear is coming from not feelings safe or like things are in control?