Somehow I lucked out and married a guy who has stuck by me through it all. He just keeps loving me and I sit around and wonder why. He is faithful and a hard worker and generally considerate. So what is my problem? Because I was sexually abused as a very young child - and taken advantage of several times later I positively cannot endure having anyone touch me while I am sleeping. I have literally jumped out of our bed when he tried to cuddle in the early morning hours when I was not fully awake. More than once I have woken up as i fell out of our bed trying to esape his cuddles. I cannot go to sleep while we are in physical contact. He says he would like to just have some body part touching thru the night to maintan contact and the very idea makes my stomach churn. We cuddle before we go to sleep and for me that is plenty. I love him but I would love to sleep in separate beds. He would love for us to sleep spooned. I would love to be able to compermise but even his body heat can be triggering for me at times.

How do you learn to let someone hold you when you are at your most vunerable? Especially when that had been the time that you had been preyed on in the past?