I've done a lot of bad in my lives. I don't think forgiveness is immediate, and I keep waiting, and in the mean time try to be a better person with a good heart and good deeds, however, I have resentment in my heart. Where ever I go, I carry with me this resentment, guilt, and insecurity, and I feel so bad. I don't know when forgiveness will be truly granted to me, or if it is even possible to forgive such deeds and the dark heart I carried in those lives. I'm inherently very selfish I think, or maybe I have been molded by environmental and circumstantial situations. I am dark. I keep trying, but because my heart is impure, I feel superficial. I feel my deeds have been so horrendous that no matter what I do I get no where, not forgiven and still the same. I feel bad. I want to be different.