The stress has been mounting at work and home lately - getting worse actually. I haven't seen my T in almost 3 weeks - it's really getting to me.

For the last two days, I've had the distinct privilege of being hurt by my husband - verbally and physically..........all because I couldn't buy him a pack of cigs, so obviously I must not care about the pain he is in.........blah, blah.

Work has been way too much drama also. Tonight I realized how little people in 3D care. I'm nice and helpful to the employees, I get screwed over. I bend over backwards to keep my husband happy and drain my bank accounts down to nothing just to keep him calm - but it is never good enough for anyone.

I sat at work tonight realizing how alone I am. Got really depressed. Called my T because I was sitting there with a whole bottle of pills ready to take them (he wasn't aware of that). He did notice that my speech sounded like I was tired - I had taken about 5 already and was really not all there.

As he told me I can either keep complaining about how I am treated (which is my own fault, I guess) or do something about it. Maybe calling him was a bad idea...........[sigh].

I really sat and looked at those pills - for quite awhile, debating what to do. Know what stopped me? I knew I had to do inventory tonight - took me till 3am to get it done. How stupid is that??? I can't end my life because I have to finish counting stuff. That's pathetic.

It is now about 5am here.........haven't slept yet. Have to get up in 2 hours to get Alex off to school, then sleep for awhile and start all over again.

I am so tired of being alone.

Mary Alice