I hope I put this in the right place...

It has been a long (school) year for me, and I've been waiting and waiting for it to end, and on Tuesday it does. I'm scared that things will not get better from here, and that I will have to go through another year of the same thing.

Most of the time I feel like I'm all alone. In October my best friend, and the person I was most comfortable telling almost anything I was feeling, and I got into a "fight", things were said and the friendship ended in about 3 hours. After that I found it hard to connect to anyone. My other good friends, around the same time, became this tight knit group, who excluded most people (like myself, and our other close friends) from their jokes, stories, get togethers, and eventually their conversations in public. At home everything has been tense all the time, my parents are always criticizing one another, or someone else in the family, and mostly behind each other's back. In May my Great Uncle passed away, leaving me with no grandfather figure (both have passed away, one last year, and one when I was very young). I struggled with my eating habits, either not eating enough, or eating a normal amount and "balancing it out" somehow. I also struggled with my self esteem, slight depression,isolation, and school. I felt like I had no one, and most of the time I felt as if I had no reason to be this upset, people have it way worse than I, but I was upset anyway. By the end of the year I went from being always happy, cheerful, goofy and always socializing with everyone, to a person who is always faking their "smile", and never talks about themselves, ever, to anyone.

In the past few weeks, I have been enjoying myself more, and I have talked to one friend a bit, but I still have long periods of the sadness, nights are the worse. I guess I'm just hoping I can either keep going on the path to be who I was before, or I can find a new self that I can be happier with.

I'm not sure what I want from this post, and I could keep going on for hours, but I am wicked surprised at myself for writing all of this to share with you all, it has been a long time since I've shared something of this importance.
Thanks for reading.
filensave