((((((dalila)))))))

It is not your fault what happened to you when you were a child. A person that preys on children, in my opinion, deserves to be taken out back and chopped into little pieces, balls first.

That said, you are not a child anymore. You now have skills to protect yourself that no child has. So already, your own age gives you one hell of an advantage.

My suggestion is this - try starting off slow with the cuddles during the daytime. Everyone feels safer in the daytime. Not much can sneak up on you then. Try it for like 10 minutes. When you are comfortable with that, up it to 15. Then 20. Try cuddling in different positions - spooning, you laying on him, him resting his head on you, etc. Get to the point where you can have him touch you. If you start to get nervous or upset, think to yourself "That person who abused me can no longer touch me or hurt me. The person here is my husband, who is here to protect me from harm."

When you feel comfortable napping with him during the day, try moving the cuddle times closer and closer to bedtime. You should begin to associate "happy cuddle time" with "sleep time".

As for the body heat thing, though - I hear you. Maybe dump a bucket of icewater on him before he goes to sleep? In all seriousness, try having a fan on in the room, even if it's 10 below out. Keeping yourself cooler than being heated up may help keep you from being triggered and will probably make you more comfortable all around. I know it works for me - it's the only way I can sleep anywhere near my fiance without getting baked. He's an animated fireplace.

I hope this helps, sweetie. I'm proud of you for starting to work through this. It's a long road, but you'll make it. You're a strong person, I can tell!

some of it's magic
some of it's tragic
but i had a good life all the way......
~jimmy buffett