((c&b)) I know what it's like to have those defenses. I too hold back at T so much that he often has no clue how bad I actually am. Email has helped a little, but I am still not honest. There IS hope for people like us. I have to keep telling my new t (by email) that I am not being 100%, and asking him to help pull stuff out of me. Not sure if that would help you or not, but I am throwing it out there. Don't give up, you deserve that spot.