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Can you talk to your parents? You could probably benefit from seeing a counsellor or therapist and your parents could help you get one.
I know how hard it is to talk about this, and you were very brave for writing about it here, but you need to talk about it to get help, and your parents would probably want to help you.
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"I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn.
"If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba
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