Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes
Elliemay, I have a question for you and I am NOT being sarcastic. You talked about the work in your recovery. What is the work against? I am trying to understand if you are working to stop punishing yourself for trying to blame yourself for something learned. I have been really wondering about this as I listen to people who really struggle, and they punish themselves for something. Is that punishment because they were not capable of performing or achieving a goal that someone else taught them they had to achieve? Where does that come from ellie? I also see this struggle in depression in our youth and even eating disorders. It is a self loathing and punishment and I am trying to understand why. When I listen to some of the background it always seems to somehow originate by somehow being denied something or a feeling of not conforming that begins to internalize in some sort of self punishment. It does puzzle me.
Open Eyes
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I do not know if I am going to be able to answer your questions to your satisfaction Open Eyes. They are quite loaded indeed.
I've never really felt as though I was punishing myself - maybe not giving myself enough credit for the amazing things that I am, but not actively punishing myself. I mean no one is perfect. Sometimes it's about forgiving. Make any sense?
My single biggest psychological struggle has been to free myself from fear. Fear for my own personal safety, fear for my emotional integrity, and fear of love. Yes love. There is a wholeness in me know. A courage. Perhaps like the author.
My single biggest physiological struggle has been with depression. I've gotten to the point now where I'm like "hello sadness" and just move with it instead of against it. Lean against it instead of try and push through it.
No life is not a bed of roses, but I'm okay. Content. I've gotten a lot of help, and been able to accept it.
Hope that's what you're looking for.