In the last three years I have been humiliated, jailed (on false charges, but it's on my record even though the case was dismissed), cheated, robbed, verbally abused, lied to and abandoned. As a result, I have had to compromise my ethics - my honesty and integrity - just to survive.

My last husband promised to take care of me and support me. He hasn't. He bankrupted me and put me so far in debt I can't even afford to declare bankruptcy. We got a "technical" divorce so I could get on Food Stamps and SSI, and he was supposed to keep giving me money, too. He hasn't.

Now I'm on SSI (mental disability - bi-polar), and living in a shabby, druggie-ridden trailer park, and still don't have enough money to cover all the bills. Now I have to lie to him (as he has lied to me), be nice to him, and pretend I still love him, even after I found out he has a fiancee in another town, in hopes he'll continue to throw a few bones (a little cash) my way. He's a truck driver, so he's rarely home, and keeps finding ways to keep me from finding out what he's up to. He lies about everything, but I need what little money he gives me. It so unlike me - I've never put up with this kind of treatment in my entire life - and I hate it!

My self-esteem is at an all-time low. I'm almost 57 years old and can't work. I'm on four meds for bi-polar, and they aren't working very well - I'm not really suicidal n the meds, but at times it seems like the only way out. My situstion seems hopeless. Often I am so depressed I can 't function. I put off doing anything, because it just doesn't seem worth it. My house is filthy, and many days I don't brush my hair, brush my teeth, wash my face, or even get out of my pajamas.

My friends have told me to look for a new man to take care of me, but in the state I'm in (mental, physical, and financial), I doubt many decent men would be attracted to me. I have a lousy track record with men, anyway. I always pick losers.

My friends say use my wiles to charm him into coming home more often and giving me money, but it's really hard to pretend I feel something I don't, and even harder to do what they say - it makes me feel like a *****.

Where are all those in-detail ideas on how to retrieve my self-esteem and sense of self-worth? I need help!

Thanks