Things have gotten so bad that I want to SI again. It has been 3 years since the last time I SI'ed. I stopped because my partner wanted me to, and I love her. I am afraid she might leave if I cut. But there is something else I can do where it just looks like a light bruise for a while. I don't think she would notice. And it really hurts, so I get that sensation. I really need this, bad. The abuse from when I was a kid has come up again. It is all bad. I need to do this. I am so sorry everyone. So sorry.