I have been there. It cuts. It makes me sick. I have just found out and it is my father who died over 10 years ago. The closer a person is I think it hurts worse. I thought he was a saint, my favorite person in the world, now this.I do not now how to deal , my Pdoc and T are trying to help. I just do not want him to have my life I am so eat up with all these emotions, and trying to heal. He can not win. Do not let them either. I plan on trying, I do not know how, maybe we can try to together! From the ashes of my old self.