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time0 said:
Now I also know this is easier said then done. But this is the part we have to work on. Keep our communication open. It doens't have to be with the person that has rejected us or that we feel has rejected us but with other people so we can have a bit of self worth and keep going.

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HI Time O,

I am very interested in this subject, as I do believe that being able to spend some time alone comfortably is a sign of health and maturity, in the sense that we are not always looking for something from other people, but finding strength inside ourselves.

However, your point about communication is very important IMHO. I think that hanging around someone who has already rejected us or wants to reject us is a terrible thing for our self esteem. Sometimes if we have no one else (maybe it's a rejecting parent) then we are stuck with the situation, but it is always toxic in my view.

Hanging around someone who has rejected us is like sucking on a stone. We have to find the strength to move on and even more strength to deal with the low self esteem that
the rejector has planted in us. We have to able to get up again, and 'keep going' as you rightly say.

The problem is that, if a person shows signs of being too emotionally hurt or needy, then others might give them a wide berth as well. There are plenty of regular people who say 'always avoid desperation' or 'always avoid a victim'. I don't like that attitude, but it's out there.

It is no surprise that after a few heavy rejections, people choose isolation. If we isolate, we don't get any more rejection from others. But isolation like this is a trap, and we have to get out of it.

One of the most attractive features in any person is quiet self confidence, and this unfortunately is what the hurt person does not have. We often overcompensate, trying too hard, and this doesn't work well. We might seem arrogant or too pushy.

My advice in this situation, and what I have done myself, is to
get help with my rejection issues in a focussed way, through a counsellor and also here at PC, and then to go into the social world with my tongue in my cheek. I do a lot of watching and listening, and don't dump my worries onto new acquaintances. The funny thing is that when you do this, people open up really quickly (everyone likes a listener) and we find that just about everyone has some problems, and they want to talk about them.

After spending a couple of years (as you guys know) keeping a very low profile, I now find that I'm everybody's friend in 3d! That brings it's own problems I can tell you, but it's a different feeling.

For me, my recovery started right here at PC, and it was long and slow, with ups and downs, but it has been a recovery. I would say that if you are hurting and isolating, this is a good place to be. Then we can step out gingerly into 3d and come back here for support if it's too difficult at that point. I have done that a few times, and it'll probably happen again.

Good thoughts, M

(((((((((((((((((((((Nightdream))))))))))))))))))))))))) Thanks for raising this subject, it's so important to many of us here.