So many things I would say in therapy if I could.

But I can't.

I tend to blame others for not understanding. But in therapy I can be understood... This is one thing I am realizing. And it's not that nice. My T gives me negative feedback... about all kinds of things. But never for telling the truth. That makes her quiet, curious.... Why are we always stuck then? There is so much obfuscation from me. I am curious if others deal with this too? You know, this passive aggressive stuff from me, in session, just lying, making nice? Or giving sort of wrong answers in a way that clearly pisses her off? Is it a personality clash? Is it me? The reason I stick with my T is we both see that none of it gets close to the truth. Which is such ugliness....

I dunno. This is what I've decided. The truth is a beautiful thing but it's not pure. And the other parts are what we struggle so hard to hide. The non-beautiful, non-pure parts.

Yeah.

Has anyone ever been here?????