I was actually debating about posting this thread, but reading a recent member post about something similar gave the push to post!

Well, I have always had secrets in my life that no one knew about because I was always scared, ashamed, or just didn't know how to explain them to anyone else.

I will share some of my secrets and some of my fears and you guys can tell me if anyone else here goes through the same thing and/or how you guys deal with it, etc:

1. My secret fear - if anyone asks me "what are you deadly afraid of?" I always give my PC answer - snakes. But in reality my REAL fear is of demons I see, hear, feel, etc. I now know it's actually part of hallucinations and paranoia ... but I've dealt with this since I can remember!! I just always think that people would not understand or believe me when I explained what I've experienced.

2. Secret thoughts - Suicide and thinking of how the world would be (either better or worst) with or without me in it is an ongoing thought even when I am in all honesty not suicidal. I tend to weigh my options all the time. I think about the bills that would not be worried about by family or loved ones ... I think about how I affect people in my life, both good and bad ... etc ... Luckily I always conclude that I AM valuable and wanted and should stay on this Earth ... but in reality, it's something I have to battle in my head all the time.

3. Secret Actions - Growing up I did a lot of things that were odd and at that time could not be explained. Now I can look back and understand they were coping mechanisms. For example, I all of a sudden started wetting the bed as a kid. I look back on it and I realize that the physical and emotional abuse I suffered from my mother caused my body to react. Hiding to go to sleep was another one. I would go to a closet or the pantry and sleep out of fear of the demons I saw, felt, heard, etc ... and I think maybe out of fear of my mom too.

The list can go on and on ... a lot of these things I've never shared with anyone!!!! They have been those things that happen that one just does not talk about ... does anyone else go through this?

:discuss: