You never get past it all the way. It takes an enourmous effort on your part, as well as your partner's, to recover. I still to this day get paranoid and angry, just less often.

The thing that was difficult to accept, but necessary, was that it was not her- it was the BPD. It is very hard to seperate the BPD from the person and even harder to not take the affair as a personal attack.

One thing I did not have that I hope you seek is counceling for yourself. In these situations, we are so focused on helping the person with the illness that the the other person in the relationship tends to get overlooked.

If you are going to stay in this relationship, you must learn everything you can about BPD. Your role will be as difficut as that of one who is in a relationship with a cancer patient or a person with a severe handcap. BPD is an illness, is not curable, and it takes great effort on your part and your partners to keep it under control. The drawback is that when it gets the worst and you need the most help, your partner will be unable to help. That is the nature of the beast.

Read the conversations on this web site. I have found out more about BPD and what the world looks like through my wife's eyes here than anywhere else, and hopefully I can find a way to help her and continue to rebuild our relationship.