trying to stay busy. promised my husband i wouldnt call 911 unless it was a serious life threatening emergency. the paramedics have been here so often they know us by name. i know its panic but it feels like a heart attack. i know i'm alone in the house but i keep seeing things out of the corner of my eye and i turn around and theres nothing there so i worry someone is lurking somewhere. i dont want to lose my mind. i think its my worst and enduring fear, that one day i wont be able to tell the difference anymore between whats here and whats in my head. theres this smell here and i'm holding my pillow telling myself its not there but if its not there why can i smell it? i've been doing everything i'm supposed to, the pdoc, the therapy, the meds. i should be getting better.
thank you for caring. for making me feel safe.