My secret fear(s) are 1. Being alone. Nothing can "get me" if I'm around someone.. 2. Jack-in_the-boxes, PLEASE the music will send me over the edge!! 3. these disorders gettin the best of me and not seeing my kids grow up.

My secret thoughts are identical to yours!! It's like I wrote this!

"Suicide and thinking of how the world would be (either better or worst) with or without me in it is an ongoing thought even when I am in all honesty not suicidal. I tend to weigh my options all the time. I think about the bills that would not be worried about by family or loved ones ... I think about how I affect people in my life, both good and bad ... etc ... Luckily I always conclude that I AM valuable and wanted and should stay on this Earth ... but in reality, it's something I have to battle in my head all the time."

Secret actions.. WOW.. writing it out like this makes it real.. not that it wasn't before, but I guess I have to "own it".. I've slept with Wayyyyyy too many men, and I don't care who they are or where we are, if they are married or just dating one of my friends... I need them to WANT ME... IT's sickening!! I ALWAYS feel like crap when I come down from those times... I hate being me!!