you were saying your brain is thinking one thing but, your heart is feeling another, As a result your heart feels like its being ripped out, you feel hurt and misunderstood........ Yes, this ...I can also relate too. You are not alone with all of these feelings... My therapist had to tell me once, "Jazzy, I don't have any power over you. You are giving me too much power" I think we have to be careful of giving our therapist too much power over our lives and our happiness. I'm in therapy too, so don't think I'm judging or don't understand what it feels like to have your heart hurting and be in pain...I do, very much so. But, personally, I've had to learn and teach myself that there will be moments where I am completley obsessed and focused on how my T is treating me and its okay to hurt, to cry, to be upset for a while but, there is too much beauty, too many other things in life to focus on and discover for us to let it completley take over us/destroy us...and take over all that we are, mentally, physically, and emotionally... See, I'm not saying you are wrong for feeling what you are feeling or going through attachment issues/problems with T in session, I'm just saying, the tone of your post sounds like you are letting therapy control you highly, giving your T too much power over your mood and feelings...and it doesnt have to be this way... we can Hurt through therapy and still feel strong at the same time. we can find a way to NOT feel helpless. Yes, we hurt but, the helplessness doesn't have to be. hope this makes sense... this is all stuff I'm working on in my personal life too. so I say it with encouragement not judgement. I'm working on being okay with being HURT (validating my pain) but, not being okay with that feeling of helplessness. I'm working on realizing that I am strong enough for therapy and I can be concerned without letting it completey take over my life. IT's a learning process indeed! But, I think understanding that is what gets us to move from a place of focusing on transference in therapy to focusing on ourselves a little bit more...when we give our T's all the power over our feelings/mood...we will focus more on them then our personal issues in therapy.

P.S. this is coming from a girl, who just went to therapy today and the difference is, I HAD to go home...I was in so much pain, I got right in the bed at 5 p.m. and slept till midnight...when I woke up I cried and cried... and now I'm dusting myself off and telling myself, that today is going to be a new day, it was okay for me to hurt but, I have to move on. So, me not understanding that feeling of your heart being ripped out is completley to the contrary... thats the state of mind I've been in for the last couple of hours and now I'm moving myself from the stages of helplessness to sadness to finally strength.. trying to remind myself that I will make it! ---------- oh, and you will too.