Thread: Sensitive???
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Old Jun 22, 2011, 02:17 AM
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Dr.Muffin Dr.Muffin is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2009
Location: Philly, PA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by geez View Post
In a nut shell today my husband asked me if I was going to return some water bottles I purchased and I told him yes. He asked me why I decided to return them and I told him that the cap/valve doesn't work properly so they are going back to the store. He then said: "it's not user error?". I of course took his reply to mean that I don't know what I'm talking or how to use the bottles.
My reply: "no it's the engineer's error" (my husband happens to be an engineer) and then the argument starts from there and he said that I'm sensitive and he can't say anything right without me getting angry at him?

I told this to my T and she said that I'm sensitive to things he says to me and I explained to her why I felt attacked.

I hope some of that helps give everyone a better understanding of the 'situation'. I think in some cases I am 'sensitive' in a bad way meaning I think people's intentions are bad when they may not be. I guess I don't know the difference or I assume anytime I'm questioned I'm feeling like my emotions/feelings are being attacked or invalidated.

I think my T is trying to get me to understand my sensitivities and feelings. I don't think that she was trying to invalidate my feelings (that's what I'm telling myself to feel better) but it sure felt that way to me but then again I've jumped to that conclusion before and I have been wrong.

Thank you for posting Dr. Muffin and I agree that intentionally pushing someone's 'buttons' and then telling them they are sensitive is abuse. I grew up that way so I know what that's like.
it does seem that having your reality invalidated is an especially sensitive issue for you....but i still dont think labeling you "sensitive" is helpful.

it might help with hubby if you talked to him about it. clearly, using that word is not useful if he wants to actually communicate with you since it brings up a lot of past hurt....maybe you can ask him to rephrase?

same with your therapist. it seems she wasnt using it in a demeaning way, but maybe that doesnt matter just now. i know i had a client who hated quite a few commonly used words in therapy (like a visceral reaction), so we just had to come up with a new language. maybe thats necessary here...i see what she was saying (as you've presented it) and im sure she could say it in a way that doesnt trigger these feelings of being attacked and invalidated.
Thanks for this!
geez