Audrey, it seems from reading this board, and from my own experience, that many people have frustrations over physical intimacy. Sharing physical intimacy with someone you love can be one of the most beautiful things one can experience. However, it can also be an opportunity for major problems and issues.

Take a step back and realize the blessings that you have in your life. You have a man in your life that seems to be patient and understanding of your needs. That in and of itself is a wonderful thing as I think the number of men that would be as patient with you is certainly very small.

In order for a relationship to succeed long term a couple has to conect mentally, emotionally and physically. And, over time each individual's needs in each of these areas may change significantly.

It seems that many people have deep rooted issues with physical intimacy, stemming from their upbringing, what they are taught and told about physical intimacy as well as any mental and emotional issues that they are currently dealing with. In general, I feel that American society has way too many hang ups about sex. Too many people get the wrong messages... it is "wrong", it is "dirty", "men are after only one thing", you name it the list goes on and on.

Granted, I may not be one to give advice because I have had my own "issues" over physical intimacy. However, I feel as though I have learned a LOT having gone through what I did. I placed too much emphasis on physical intimacy and as a result wound up in relationships with women that were wrong for me and ruined a relationship with a woman that was perfect for me.

I guess the bottom line is to achieve a delicate balance between the mental, emotional and physical connection bewteen a couple. If there are issues or problems with any one of these areas it will cause a fracture in even the strongest foundation of a relationship.

Frankly, I think that the physical connection should be the easiest, but it is often not. And, as you grow older and experience a true loving physical intimacy your attitude about it may change. I guess what concerns me is your "fear" about physical intimacy, especially since you have a man in your life that is patient and understanding. Ideally it would be great to see if you could replace the dear with excitement and anticipation. Afterall, sex between a man and a woman that love each otehr should be special, loving, comforting and even fun.

I really would see what you could do to see a therapist before you start this marriage. Better to work out these problems before hand than after the fact. Many communities have mental health services provided by Catholic Charities or some other community agency at a sliding fee scale based on a person's ability to pay. Wouldn't it be easier to resolve these issues now, rahter than wait until they create a problem once you are married?

A lack of connection in physical intimacy can lead to anger, frustration and resentment. This, in turn, will begin eroding the bond that you have in the mental and emotional arenas. And, if the connection in those areas gets eroded you will no longer have a relationship.

Remember, you are blessed to have a man that is patient and understanding. But, I think you owe it to him and to yourself to get this issue resolved before you make a committment.