RA,
As a parent I will say that parents never get over the loss of a child. It just doesn't happen unless they are severely mentally ill. You said they would be upset for awhile which indicates that they do indeed care about you. They would never get over it. I have a co-worker who lost her child over 20 years ago. She still cries on occasion when she tells me about something having to do with her child. And my co-worker is a tough old lady.

I used to be severely suicidal. I would think about it practically every minute of the day. I would even get vivid pictures in my head of me dead after I had done it. They were so vivid I would be left wondering if I had actually done it and was just a ghost. I felt that there was no hope and no reason to go on. No one really cared about me, I wasn't worth caring about. Everyone would be better without me because I was just a piece of poo on the foot of the world stinking everything up. It was depression talking.

I have been in therapy for awhile now, I have been on meds. Right now I can honestly say I am happy. When I think back to those days I creeps me out because I was so close to ending it all and I would have missed out on what I have now and this time with those people who truely do love me and would still be hurting if I had died.

What I am saying is that life can get better. It doesn't seem like it now but it can. Go to your parents, tell them what you are feeling. They may not understand but they will most likely get you some help. If not--some parents are not emotionally equipped to deal with this sort of thing even though they still love you--go to the hospital ER and tell someone there. You will be cared for, they will get you on the path to finding the happiness in your life that is hiding from you right now. Please get some help.
Carrie