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Originally Posted by learning1
Wow, that argument sounds SO similar to my engineer ex b-f. Are engineers some other species or something? (sorry  ). To me, any normal person would understand that "It's not user error" is rather rude and inconsiderate. What I learned with my ex-bf, is that some people are INCREDIBLY oblivious about feelings. He is just almost totally logical and much more aware of the water bottles (or whatever object the argument is about) than of the person he's talking to. (Gotta appreciate how good they are at fixing stuff tho.) I got to the point I could feel sorry for my ex-bf for not knowing how to understand or pay attention to people's feelings like a "normal" person would. And I could understand that he genuinely didn't have a clue why I got hurt and upset. He didn't mean to upset me, it just never occurred to him to think about whether he'd upset anyone. The lack of effort to pay attention to people's feelings isn't really acceptable either, but understanding he really didn't know how to understand people helped some. Hopefully your husband isn't as extreme as my ex, if he's even the same at all (IDK). If you think he might be similar, one thing that helped me understand and deal with stuff better was reading about my ex'
s MBTI personality type. There's a lot of info online.
BTW, couples therapy was excruciating sometimes when it felt like t was blaming me when I got upset with my ex. I'm glad I did it tho. |
Thank you so much for posting!!! My husband isn't totally at the far end as your ex was but It's funny about your comment about your ex being oblivious to other people's feelings. After telling my husband what he said was hurtful to me I told him he doesn't realize how some of what he says effects people's feelings (he can be very carring and loving when he's not an a55 btw
). In my argument my husband told me he was feeling attacked and judged because I made my 'engineer' comment. I then told him if he wanted to see attacked and judged I would be telling him he's an a55 or acting like a jerk etc... I was simply trying to communicate to him how what he says effects how I feel.
Couples therapy is out of the question unfortunatly (he thinks we can just talk about it together and it will be fixed - he's a do it yourselfer)
- he refuses to go and yet at the same time is great in other ways (great provider, a great father to his kids - just kinda sucks a little bit when it comes to the marriage part in terms of not wanting to go to counseling together).
I'll have to check out the stuff you metioned online. Many Thanks!
