Its very hard to accept that a parent is toxic to us...I grew up with a father who used alcohol. My parents divorced when I was 12 and only saw him a handful of times until he died. I'm an only child so I've never really had to deal with siblings doing the typical son/daughter things towards a father I have little respect or a lot of anger towards. I'm not sure if they are trying to be the good son or daughter and earn the love the deserve (but probably will never receive from your father). I put all my energy into being with my kids and never being like my father was (good theory...although in practice this can be a bit unhealthy...just like trying to earned his love)

I can understand it would be frustrating to see them act this way...but we all deal with our pain differently...it is hard to tell sometimes which is the healthiest way...