Hey Rainbow,

I hope you get something from the call with your therapist

I am going to take a slight change of approach than others in saying that I don't actually think you are wanting to talk about your feelings for your T to avoid talking about the painful things from your past, as I think the transference and the unfulfilled need you have, is just as painful to think about in many ways and it's not pleasant to focus on but painful also.

The really difficult and upsetting part is that the reason you possibily want to talk about the feelings for her, is to somehow find a way to meet the need you have for her to love you. It's almost as though, if you keep telling her how you feel, she might realise how much you want this from her and she wil give it to you?
Unfortunately that hasn't been happening and won't happen, so you can talk about it but you will most likely hear the same answers from her that she has been saying and I think this is why she thinks its best to talk about some of the other issues because she knows that you wont get what you need from talking about the transference.

I am guessing she is hoping that by instead focusing on the issues that initally brought you to therapy that some of your pain will be healed and you will feel stronger and less in need for her to meet the needs inside.

I think its lovely that she holds your hand, this is definately something to be treasured and shows that she thinks highly of you and cares.

I understand your pain hun xxxxxxxxxxxx