Thanks, you guys. I hope that's what she meant, too. I don't know if I'll be seeing her again or not, but I still have some hope that we can have some meaningful communication and that I will feel the rupture has been repaired.
I mean, I get it if she's saying she doesn't see any rupture, but it would be nice for her to acknowledge my feeling that there is a rupture. Isn't that what validation is? If she doesn't think there's a problem and I do, who is to say that she's right and I'm wrong?

She did say something to me today about "we're not fighting, there's no conflict" and that sort of speaks to my feelings of jousting with her. I think that much, at the very least, is coming from me and I can own that. It would be good to have some help understanding it, though.

Regardless, I AM shopping for a new T. I don't want my relationship with this T and my therapy with her to end in this way, and I guess that's my motivation. I still want to try to work it out, not so that she won't "leave me", because that is a given. My therapy with her IS ending. But it doesn't have to end on such a bad note. I want at the very least to resolve some of these huge emotions I have about it.

I guess I have accepted that the relationship IS ending, and that is progress for me. Not too long ago just thinking about it or reading about others terminations would leave me feeling sick and sad and lost. I don't feel GOOD about it right now, but it is what it is.

Meanwhile, I am still looking at new Ts, and am still having that meeting on Friday to find out what my options are there. The guy I'm meeting with is just filling in for my case manager who is on vaca, but at the very least I can bounce some of this stuff off of him. Maybe the fact that he doesn't know me and presumably doesn't know my T will be good. MY CM and my T have some not-very-nice things to say about one another, which doesn't help. It's almost like they are both splitting ME, lol.