As a survivor of SA, I would encourage you to not make any decisions regarding your marriage while you work through your own issues in therapy. You will be amazed at how much of your own stuff you will project onto your spouse.

You said that you both have the song and dance of, "get close to me, now get away." It would appear that you both have a fear of intimacy. Like the others said, all you can do is work on you and hopefully your husband will see that and make some changes on his end too.

Good luck on your recovery.