Quote:
Originally Posted by geez
Thank you so much for posting!!! My husband isn't totally at the far end as your ex was but It's funny about your comment about your ex being oblivious to other people's feelings. After telling my husband what he said was hurtful to me I told him he doesn't realize how some of what he says effects people's feelings (he can be very carring and loving when he's not an a55 btw  ). In my argument my husband told me he was feeling attacked and judged because I made my 'engineer' comment. I then told him if he wanted to see attacked and judged I would be telling him he's an a55 or acting like a jerk etc... I was simply trying to communicate to him how what he says effects how I feel. |
I'm thinking about the user error comment, which would have triggered me if my ex had made it. After therapy, I would have tried to calm down before responding, and remind myself that even though ex probably shouldn't have said that, he's really mainly interested in the water bottle puzzle. Whether or not I know what I'm doing is a small side issue that's not really on his mind
. Do you think that could be the case with your H? That's good your H isn't as extreme as my ex, so I'm not sure if your H was very aware he was instigating something as he made the user error comment or not.
After I calmed down for a second, I might have responded,
calmly, genuinely objectively, by suggesting that he might have been able to avoid hurting my feelings by saying it a little differently. He'd probably say being accurate about the water bottles was more important, and I shouldn't let my feelings get in the way of being accurate. He would partly have a point. And I would hope that eventually, the possibility of prioritizing people's feelings over water bottles sometimes might get through to him
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Quote:
Originally Posted by geez
Couples therapy is out of the question unfortunatly (he thinks we can just talk about it together and it will be fixed - he's a do it yourselfer)  - he refuses to go and yet at the same time is great in other ways (great provider, a great father to his kids - just kinda sucks a little bit when it comes to the marriage part in terms of not wanting to go to counseling together).
I'll have to check out the stuff you metioned online. Many Thanks!  |
I recently heard or read some tips somewhere on how to get your partner to go to therapy with you. I can't remember where. If you really want him to go with you, maybe your t could give you some tips? He does sound pretty good in a lot of ways tho. And maybe you can do part of what you'd do in couples t in t on your own.