Its been like... 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8, or 9.. yes, 8 or 9 years since I last...well, self-injured....Yep, 8 or 9 years later..a little girl is screaming ( not literally) but, a little girl is screaming inside of me, telling me to do it again...Telling me that there is NO WHERE else for my pain to go,
other than my wrists, convincing me that, "she" doesn't want me to hurt anymore but, at the same time, she wants to SEE the pain in front of her because if its on my arms, if its marked by skin, at least she knows its real...at least the little girl won't have to hide anymore, her pain can be set free. Having thoughts about dying...( I struggle with depression ) and repressing those thoughts on a daily basis because I know dying is not an option...is what I do. Its what I would do if I wanted to be a coward in fear, but, I want to be a strong woman...but, I think repressing that WANT (that thought of dying) for so long, feels like forever since I've been repressing it, makes me want to self-injure..to see the scars on the inside transform themselves to the outside of me and come to life...That little girl is sick of crying and kicking and being teased and hurt..she just wants justice from her past, from her pain, from the knawing, aching feeling inside that she is alone and always will be. help her. help me. someone. I'm just weak.--and so very human.--