I know the response that one wants to give to this is that, "because I am always being attacked" but that just puts the whole thing on trying to get the rest of the world to not attack you? Can't happen.

So, I get very literal and answer the questions T asks :-) Look at an actual, tiny/microscopic situation and analyze it with T. Why, when someone else thinks the sky is green and says, "Isn't it a pretty green sky" do you take that personally, that, because someone else wants a green sky and in your world it is blue, that it matters so much that they call it blue also? Why can't you just answer, "If you say so!"

Instead of arguing and feeling hurt or attacked; try a little experiment with agreeing with whatever someone else says. Remember that it is what they are saying/feeling about their world, even when they say something about you, and you don't have to like/agree with what they say, but you do have to agree to let them say it since it's "theirs"?

My husband, for example, always compliments me on making him dinner, even if he doesn't like it! I do not take it personally if he does not like it, sometimes I don't like it either! If I am lazy or make a mistake and burn something or it's under-cooked, that does not bother me. I am not the food, my personality/thoughts/wishes are not wrapped up in the food or comments about it or me making it. If he were to say (and he does not), "You're so lazy, the mashed potatoes are lumpy because the potatoes are not cooked long enough" I would just agree. It is true, after all and there's nothing I can do about it now. Maybe I'll respond, "Yes, next time I'll cook them longer."

I understand that there are times when it "hurts" to be told one is lazy, stupid, etc. I had a boss humiliate me publicly about my inability to "make sense" when I talked to him. That too was true but it hurt because I couldn't "help" it. However, I was working hard on helping it in therapy, that was one of the main reasons I was in therapy and so I remembered that and realized that my boss was not helping me with his criticism. I was able to realize that made me angry and think of a plan to deal with his abuse/public humiliation of me and stop it from happening ever again.

What I would suggest is learning to tell the difference, when you are criticized or "hurt" between the truth of something and whether it is or is not that important to you and/or why it is/is not important to you. If something is true, it's good to remember/know, even if it hurts. You cannot know "where" you are, what you think and feel, unless you have points of reference and sometimes those points hurt. Everything someone says to you should be thought about in terms of whether it is true for you or not and then "dealt" with.

If T says, What is it that makes you feel like you are always being attacked," assume you present yourself to the world that way (or she wouldn't "see" that) and think about that question. You either do or do not feel like you are always being attacked. If you do not feel like you are always being attacked, you say, "Gee, I don't think I feel like I am always being attacked, what is it you are seeing that I do not that you think I feel that way?" However, if you instantly "recoil" from what someone says, are instantly hurt, then it is a good thing! It informs you that a "nerve" has been hit. You do probably feel the way the person has observed and need to look at it and dismantle some triggers so you don't always feel like you are being attacked? That's what T is for, to help you with that!