Secret Fear - That I will not be able to "stay in control" of my bipolar or myself in general and just lose it one day, that I will have to go back into the hospital, that nobody will ever love me the way that i will want to be loved.
Secret Thoughts - I count constantly. I talk to myself constantly in order to keep myself together. i think about suicide even when i'm not particularly depressed and when I do get upset it is the FIRST thing that comes to mind, every single time. I think about leaving my husband on a regular basis and that maybe he wan't "the one"
I wish I could just run away and start over.
Secret Actions
Quote:
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I've slept with Wayyyyyy too many men, and I don't care who they are or where we are, if they are married or just dating one of my friends... I need them to WANT ME... IT's sickening!! I ALWAYS feel like crap when I come down from those times.
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Same here - i went through a long span of doing this...the funniest (or saddest) thing is that my husband thinks I'm a good girl, without a lot of sexual experience. I've never told him anything to make him think that, but I've never corrected him either.