Hello Mgran ~ Nice to meet you and thank you for taking the time to reply to my thread
I was expecting that I would get my sisters back as sisters after my mother's death (my chief abuser), however, I couldn't have been more wrong. They carried on the generational abuse. It was then, at the age of 54 that I came face to face with the fact that I was never loved by my family of origin. I was a shocking revelation and one of the biggest disappointments I have ever experienced. My two sisters were my mother's enabler and her mission in life was to destroy me, so my sisters continued on with this process.
I had hoped to fit into my remaining family of origin going forward after mom's death, but that was not to be my future. They closed the gate on me and never looked back.
I miss the piano. The odd thing about that was I always wanted a piano and piano lessons. My sister got the piano/lessons and I was prohibited from using it and was denied lessons. I think the teacher I connected with after I bought my piano who laughed at me over the phone about teaching someone at my age the piano activated the memory and why I had to get rid of it.
Thank you for sharing the story about your grandfathers coat, who ended up with the coat?
I was taking a machine quilting class several years ago and one of the teachers brought in a crazy quilt she had made out of her deceased father's clothing, which I felt was very interesting.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mgran
Dear June... I think I know what's going on. But I may be wrong, and if I am, I hope I haven't hurt or offended you.
You say this started after your mother died, and that your two sisters got more than their share of the inheritance. What we inherit from our parents can be seen to represent in concrete form how much they loved us. For example, my brother and I fought bitterly over a coat that my Grandfather left behind... he didn't say to whom it belonged, but because he let me wear it most recently (sudden hail) I insisted it was mine. My brother insisted it was his, because it was a man's coat, and it fitted him better. But to both of us it represented our Grandfather's love.
For whatever reason you feel cheated of your mother's love. She's gone now, your sisters have their share... you still feel empty and bereft. You look for comfort in things, but when you have those things the comfort isn't there... the object cannot fulfill your broken heart. You wanted to learn the piano (and that is still perfectly possible by the way) but between that desire and the execution of it there fell a shadow... you wanted your mother's blessing. You needed an object to signify approval, pride.
By the way... a piano teacher who will not take on an adult is a very poor teacher. I think if you'd found a teacher who was worthy of the name (ie someone who is prepared to teach, period) you wouldn't have had the emotional difficulty associated with the object arise.
If you want any advice on learning an instrument as an adult, pm me... I've got experience of this, and also some very good advice from both mature students and teachers.
But the big problem is that you feel deprived of your inheritance... it's not the THINGS, it's what they represent... a mother's love.
No wonder objects hold such peculiar and painful power over you. I hope this in some way helps you break that grip.
|