I'm thinking about the user error comment, which would have triggered me if my ex had made it. After therapy, I would have tried to calm down before responding, and remind myself that even though ex probably shouldn't have said that, he's really mainly interested in the water bottle puzzle. Whether or not I know what I'm doing is a small side issue that's not really on his mind . Do you think that could be the case with your H? That's good your H isn't as extreme as my ex, so I'm not sure if your H was very aware he was instigating something as he made the user error comment or not.

After I calmed down for a second, I might have responded, calmly, genuinely objectively, by suggesting that he might have been able to avoid hurting my feelings by saying it a little differently. He'd probably say being accurate about the water bottles was more important, and I shouldn't let my feelings get in the way of being accurate. He would partly have a point. And I would hope that eventually, the possibility of prioritizing people's feelings over water bottles sometimes might get through to him.


I recently heard or read some tips somewhere on how to get your partner to go to therapy with you. I can't remember where. If you really want him to go with you, maybe your t could give you some tips? He does sound pretty good in a lot of ways tho. And maybe you can do part of what you'd do in couples t in t on your own.