I DO, actually. I think letting out so much *sad* with T on Tuesday helped.

And in the middle of my sadness on Tuesday, I told T a story about something that happened this past weekend that made me laugh, and I realized that was a happy moment. So, I decided after session on Tuesday to start noticing happy moments. Like my oldest son making me laugh until I cried in the car yesterday. Or sitting next to my youngest son, who is so sweet, at a ball game. Or watching a show with the whole family and looking around and seeing everyone just content. Noticing those moments and really being AWARE of them...even narrating them to myself ("we're all sitting together right now and everyone is laughing at this show") while they're happening...is helping me stay out of the deep PIT of the despair. Or at least to claw my way back out when I slip back in.

And I think dipping into the scary thing with T today and being able to come back out was huge. We didn't go very far, but we went further than we have before now, and T telling me "you don't have to go any deeper right now. you can stop right here" and helping me come back and be okay gave me some hope, I think.

So many ups and downs. I guess in some ways that's life, but wow, I know it's whiny, but some of the downs don't seem fair, you know? I guess that's why I'm trying to pay more attention to the ups. Because they CAN both be there and they ARE both there.