Hi everyone,

I haven't been able to see my T because the one week he was sick with the flu and my next appt. wasn't for 2 weeks. I finally will get to see him this week, on Wed.

Yes Heather, the thought of change disturbs me greatly. No, I don't like being abused........been there, done that way too many times in the past.

For the record, I am not in love with my husband. I care about him, but anything else he killed off a long time ago. At one time, he was everything to me, but that was 9 years ago.

The one thing that has always been part of me is my honesty. People (supervisors) don't seem to believe in me anymore.

My mood swings are getting worse and more severe. I walked into work today and people just cleared out of my way. Said they were glad they weren't closing with me. [sad]

Since I was so angry today, I called my pdoc to talk about my meds, maybe a change, something. His stupid (and you'll see why I use that word in a sec) put me on hold. I told her how I was feeling - more depressed and then so angry that it feels like I just want to kill somebody (expression, right???).

This person starts asking me if I am going to harm myself, or someone else......who it might be, how they are there for me, etc. etc. I couldn't get a word in edgewise until I finally yelled, "excuse me" into the phone. I told her I was just kidding, just an expression, that I would never hurt someone else.

She blissfully ignored what I said, and continued on her little speech about how there was always a doctor on call................... I felt like telling her she was first on my list, but I behaved.

Now I have to see my pdoc on Wed. right before my appt. with my T. What an idiot she is - she pissed me off so badly and treated me like I was a complete psycho or something.

Wendy, I love you - you're always there for me. Carrie, thank you for the concern and the support. You are awesome.

I don't leave because I couldn't deal with the change right now. Long term it would be better, yes. If I had a definite place set-up and everything all ready so all I had to do was just get in my car and go...........I would. Right now with my issues at work and home plus the mood swings, I simply can't deal with it. He has never harmed Alex physically - if he had, I would be in jail, guaranteed.

I sit here at the computer and can't be still. I feel so restless it drives me batty. The brain won't turn off. I called my T today also and he never returned my call.

I have a meeting Wed. with the DM (District Manager) and my supervisor and the other manager - an open discussion type meeting about things. I have to leave early for my appts and he won't be happy about it. Because of all the issues going on at the store, he will be around alot.

I work in a restaurant, Anna. (Hint: my little animal under my name..... ) I've managed retail, restaurants, convenience stores and liquor stores. It is very draining at times. The only peace I have is when everyone is gone and I'm there alone with my paperwork.

I've considered a stay in the hospital, but can't do it financially. I have to be working to pay the bills. I almost had to borrow $5 from my boss just to buy milk and give him gas money........fortunately he found a way to get some cash and now he's happy ( oh joy ).

I just want to sleep, and sleep.

Thanks to everyone for answering my post - I know you all care..........